What's in the Box?
by Txrangers36
Summary: How will their relationship change as Deeks and Kensi attempt to figure out where their "thing" is leading them? Based off of the infamous box from Season 4, Episode 14's "Kill House."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first attempt at a Densi story so I sincerely hope you all enjoy it. It is based off of Season 4, Episode 14's "Kill House" so you should go watch it if you haven't yet because this will probably make a little more sense if you do. Also, I just wanted to say a quick apology for the light usage of profanity but I really felt it made the story more effective by getting it as close to the true essence of the characters as possible. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and please be sure to review and let me know what you think! If I get enough positive feedback, I might try to continue doing one-shots or even consider a full story if I can find the time.**

It had been an extremely long day on the job, the kind that left Kensi Blye with a killer headache and the sudden urge to go home and curl up on her couch with a cold beer, America's Next Top Model flashing on the television as she enjoyed the rest of the evening to herself.

The NCIS team had gone undercover to track the leak that led to the ambush of an elite squad who had been trying to capture Luis Cisneros, the head of the Molina Cartel. It was only meant to be a simple training exercise, but, with their team seeming to have a knack for running into trouble, they found themselves investigating the murder of one of the TRP's newest members, Chad Parish. It had made her sick to her stomach when they traced the leak back to David Inman, the head of the training squad. Parish was an arrogant son of a bitch, that was for sure, but he didn't deserve to die.

When things like this happened, Kensi was reminded of how grateful she was to have a team she could trust. A partner she could trust.

No matter how annoying and egotistical Marty Deeks could be, she would put her life in his hands without giving it a second thought. In fact, she did just that almost on a daily basis.

On the quiet drive back home after all the day's events, her mind kept wandering back to this fact as she contemplated what it was exactly that made her able to tolerate him on the days he was being particularly irritating. She glanced once in the rearview mirror and turned back to the road ahead as she pulled onto her street, but not before catching a glimpse of the oversized brown box placed carefully in the middle of the backseat.

She rolled her eyes and sighed as her thoughts immediately went back to the conversation she was having in the car with Deeks earlier that day. She could tell he hated her keeping secrets from him—they were _partners_, after all.

She knew she hadn't been totally honest with Deeks in the past. There were so many things she had hidden from him, from her investigation into her father's death, to her PTSD-ridden ex-fiancé Jack, to the mother she had refused to speak to in over fifteen years. And sure, he hadn't been completely straightforward with her about his past either, particularly about his father, but Kensi knew she had a lot more baggage to carry than he did.

She realized from the minute she caught him snooping around her desk that that box would be trouble. It was for that exact reason she really didn't want to have the package delivered to the OSP in the first place, but she knew the neighborhood she lived in, and if it was left at her front door all day…well, let's just say some of the neighborhood kids could have pretty sticky fingers. And she couldn't take any risks; this package was much too important to lose.

He deserved to be curious about it, and she knew that, she really did. Nevertheless, it still got on her nerves when he refused to just let it go. He wasn't going to quit until he had it badgered out of her.

What disturbed her most, however, was how utterly confused she felt when their usual banter had somehow taken a strange turn, and all of a sudden the stupid box wasn't even the central issue anymore. Not even close.

* * *

_"Hey, Kens…what's in the box?"_

_She chuckled lightly. "This again?"_

_"Fine, you don't want me to ask, I'll stop asking. I don't care. I don't need to know."_

_Damn right he didn't need to know. Besides, if she told him what was in it right now, it would ruin the whole point._

_"I just think you're very curious, that's all."_

_"Because you keep building it up so much!"_

_Okay, what was _that_ supposed to mean? She had hardly even mentioned it, much less built it up. In fact, she had been trying to be as inconspicuous about it as possible._

_Still, she went along with whatever she thought he was getting after. _

_"Exactly. What's to say it won't be a big disappointment?"_

_"Well, at least then we'll know."_

_Again, what the hell was he talking about? _

_Then it dawned on her._

_Was this—was this about their relationship?_

_Well, she couldn't call it a relationship, exactly. In fact, she couldn't call it a relationship at all, because that was the whole point: they didn't have one. He had been crystal clear about that in the past. _

_She couldn't believe the way he was twisting the conversation. If she wasn't so preoccupied in racking her brain for an accurate comeback she would have decked him in his side as hard as she could… for the second time that day. _

_But before she could speak, he started again. "Kens. What's in the box?"_

_She sighed. "Nope. Stakes are too high."_

_"You know it's not going to change anything, right?"_

_And then he gave her _that_ look, the one that told her he wanted to stay casual about it in order to protect himself, but for some reason, he just _had_ to know what she was thinking._

_No way in hell would she give in that easily._

_"We're still talking about the box, right?"_

_He paused for a moment; she could tell she caught him slightly off guard. It was obvious he wanted to keep the conversation coded and weirdly metaphorical, but she had grazed by him and brought it right out in the open._

_The ball was in Kensi's court now. She waited patiently for his response, certain he wouldn't have anything else to say that could throw her off her game._

_But this was Deeks, and of course, he was way too stubborn to let it go at that._

_"It's almost as if you sent it to yourself so we could have this exact conversation… Oh my God, you're diabolical! You _did_ send it to yourself, didn't you?"_

_Okay, she'd had enough of this. They were supposed to be watching Inman anyway, not playing stupid mind games with each other. Luckily for Kensi, she was able to take her chance and drop the conversation as soon as Parish's wife went running back inside her home, utterly distraught over the news of her husband's death._

* * *

It wasn't until ten minutes later that Kensi suddenly realized she was parked in her driveway, hands clutching tight to the steering wheel and head pushing back against the seat rest.

She quickly detached her fingers from the wheel and got out of the car, lugging the oversized box along with her into the house.

She set the box down on the coffee table, along with her keys and purse, before heading into the kitchen and making a beeline for the refrigerator. She pulled out a beer, and, too lazy to rummage through the drawers for a bottle opener, popped off the cap on the edge of the kitchen counter and headed back to her small living room. She sank back into the soft cushions of the couch and took a long swig of her beer, automatically feeling a little more relaxed as the smooth liquid slid down her throat.

A few minutes later she made a grab for the television remote on the floor, but nearly jumped out of her skin when a loud, impatient knock suddenly sounded at her door.

_Who would be here at a time like this?_ Kensi thought to herself as she stood from the couch with caution. It had been a really strange day, and Kensi wasn't in the mood for taking any unnecessary risks.

The rapping on the door only grew louder as the visitor remained standing out in the cold. Still, Kensi took her time, grabbing her gun from her purse before easing over to peek around the closed curtains.

And then, finally, "Kensiii! Kens, open up. It's freezing out here!"

Kensi relaxed immediately but rolled her eyes at the sound of Deeks's infamous surfer drawl on the other side of the door. She automatically reached for the doorknob, the anxiety from the moment quickly vanishing.

She cracked the door open slightly and was met with a pair of oceanic blue eyes as he pried his head through.

"What do you want, Deeks?"

"Oh, hey Kens. Nice to see you, too."

Kensi didn't have nearly enough patience for this.

"Deeks…" she hissed as he forced his way inside. She closed the door and reluctantly turned to face him.

"I just wanted that massage you promised me earlier" he said innocently, raising his hands up in defense.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I didn't promise you anything."

He stared back at her with a twinkle in his eye, some witty comment just on the tip of his tongue. She thought she could literally see him struggling to keep it down. But finally it seemed to pass and he simply gave her a small shrug.

"Well, it was worth a shot."

He walked past her and went to take a seat on the couch. She shot daggers at him with her eyes as he sat back leisurely, throwing his feet up onto the coffee table as if it was his own.

"Can I help you with something?" she asked, irritation dripping from her voice like venom.

"Someone's a bit cranky today, huh?" Deeks shot back, clearly pleased with himself for getting this sort of reaction out of her. "You know, I do like 'em a little bitchy." He winked, and she rolled her eyes yet again.

It was strange that he drew such pleasure in making her angry, he knew, but there was something so riveting, mysterious, and incredibly sexy—yes, _sexy_—about her whenever she became that way. He literally couldn't take his eyes off of her for a single second.

"No, I'm not cranky" she said defensively. "It's just been a long day, and I was looking forward to spending the rest of the night by myself."

Deeks feigned surprise. "Kensi Blye going home… _alone_? Now that's hard to believe" he joked, letting off a lighthearted chuckle.

"Shut up, Deeks. I'm not in the mood."

"Oh, not '_in_ _the mood'_? That makes sense then. Otherwise I would've expected some lucky guy to be over here by now, taking his chances with the hottest badass in town."

He tried to ignore the familiar pang in his chest whenever he said things like this, but truth be told he just couldn't help himself. He had no idea why he did it. Maybe it was a part of him that was just trying to nose into Kensi's private life and find out if, well, someone else was in it. Someone other than him.

Normally Kensi would've rebuked him for suggesting something so stupid, but by now it was nearing midnight, and she was so tired she didn't even care anymore.

She rubbed her eyes and leaned back so she could see his face more clearly. "Please, Deeks. Just tell me why you're here."

She watched him carefully, and when his eyes shot over to the coffee table for only a split second before resting back on her, she knew.

"Deeks, did you seriously come over here just to try and see what was in the damn box!?"

Her frustration was suddenly over the top now, and she could feel a nasty migraine starting to set in.

"No, no! Of course not" he tried to assure her.

But Deeks wasn't the only one who could read his partner well. It was a skill that had taken Kensi the better part of two years to perfect, but she came to know exactly when he was lying. His pupils would dilate, his nose would twitch slightly, and the corners of his mouth would turn up into an awkward sort of half grin. Sometimes he had good reason for lying, but right now it was just pissing her off.

She made a move for her gun, which had been resting beside her on the couch, and Deeks backed away instantaneously.

"Okay, okay! You got me." He let out a loud sigh of exasperation. "Jesus, Kensi. You don't have to shoot me."

"If you don't get out of here now, I just might" Kensi spat back at him.

Deeks knew she would never do something so insane, but it still didn't scare him any less. But even then, he couldn't bring himself to leave, because no matter how intriguing a slightly miffed Kensi was, murderous Kensi was absolutely heart-stopping. He stared at her open-mouthed, seemingly paralyzed to the spot, until she knocked him back out of it with a crushing blow to the sternum.

"Oww!"

"Deeks, get out!"

He fought for a moment to regain his breath, Kensi having knocked the air out of his lungs, before shaking his head vigorously. Now it was time to get serious.

"No."

"What the hell do you mean, '_no'_? This is my home, Deeks. Now please, get out!" Kensi's face was starting to turn blue with anger, and Deeks half expected to see smoke starting to spew out of her ears.

Still, he tried to stay as calm as possible. "I want to know. I want to know what's in the box, Kensi. I _deserve_ to know."

"The hell you do" Kensi fumed, the uncertainty of the situation only making her angrier.

She could punch him again, sure, try to make him beg for forgiveness, of course, but she knew that physical harm would never make him leave. It had never worked on him before.

She sighed angrily, trying to control her labored breathing. "Deeks, I don't want you here" she said with as much vigor as she could muster. "I don't want to see your annoying, obnoxious face in my house. Ever again. I'm serious."

Maybe words were really louder than actions.

Deeks could literally feel his heart breaking. He could feel it ripping apart into a thousand pieces, before being tossed and scattered into the harsh wind.

She had never said something like that to him before. Well, okay, maybe she had, but not with _that_ look on her face. It was one of pure hatred, a look that told him everything he needed to know about the way she felt for him. He had been desperate to know for so long, marveling at even the minutest possibility that she might think of him as more than her rambunctious, seemingly carefree partner.

He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. That burning passion, the love he felt for her with such intensity, would never be returned. How could it? She was too exquisite, far too wonderful for any man to measure up to. And there he was, falling for her like an idiot, thinking he might have actually been lucky enough to have a shot.

She _hated_ him, and that was it. It was done.

Sam was right, Callen was right, even Hetty had told him something similar once—he was a burden, nothing more than a nuisance to everyone around him. Deeks had simply refused to believe it before, because no matter how many times he had heard it, there was only one opinion he would actually trust.

And now, as she said it right to his face, he knew it must be true.

He tried to keep the tears from forming as they threatened at the corners of his now murky eyes. He tried to speak, but a lump formed so tightly in his throat that he couldn't swallow it down.

He looked away from her as she seemed to be studying him, probably waiting for his next brilliant smartass line. Neither of the two said anything for a long time; even the sharpest blade couldn't cut the tension between them.

Suddenly Deeks stood up, and Kensi turned to follow his movements in surprise.

"Okay."

That was the one word Deeks could manage to get out before heading for the door. Kensi lifted a hand to touch his arm as he rushed past, a weak attempt to make him stop, but he simply brushed it off. He didn't even attempt to look back at her before shutting the door behind him, feeling the stinging cold of the night air on his face once more.

* * *

Kensi didn't move for a long time after Deeks had left. She didn't even take notice as the alarm on her phone signaled that it was time for her to wake up, marking the beginning of a new day. But everything was running together in such a whirlwind that there was no way for her to tell up from down, much less one day to the next.

She wasn't sure what came over her when she had yelled at Deeks. Again, it had been a long, stressful, and confusing day, for more reasons than one.

How could she tell Deeks that he had been the primary reason for all of her tension and, as he had so kindly put it, bitchiness?

That stupid conversation they had had in the car earlier had been eating away at her all day.

She liked Deeks a lot, there was no doubt. She had been attracted to him from the first moment they had met, she could admit that.

But that other feeling, the one that kept her up at night anticipating seeing his smiling face the next day at work, the one that kept her stomach clenched with worry every time he separated from her on a mission, or the one that simply had her caring about his personal happiness at the end of the day was the thing that terrified her to no end.

She couldn't love him. It simply wasn't an option.

But there she was, buying things for him and having them delivered in a damned brown cardboard box, crying over him in the middle of the night after realizing just how deeply she had probably hurt him, and feeling her heart sink from her chest as she realized she may never be able to mend all the damage she had caused.

It was a hurt she had never felt before in her life.

**A/N: Sorry this ended kinda sad, I really wasn't sure of the direction I was going. I am thinking of continuing where I left off, though. Hopefully it'll be a continuation of some Densi moments in the upcoming episode "History," where the box supposedly makes a reappearance. Anyway, I really hope you all enjoyed it and again please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First, I just want to say thank you all so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites, they really mean a lot. I really appreciate your feedback and the way the story seemed to draw different emotions and reactions out of each of you, which is definitely what I was hoping for. **

**Also, please bear with me while I continue to try to get the hang of each character; it's proving to be a bit more difficult than I thought, especially with the way the writers seem to be portraying Kensi this season (which to me seems pretty coldhearted toward Deeks most of the time). I'm sure I will get a feel for it soon, though. One more thing, I'm sorry for making the mistake of saying the box would make a return in last Tuesday's episode, "History"; I got it mixed up with the episode they're doing for NCIS: Red. Thanks bhemmen for the correction. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter and thanks for the encouragement to continue!**

What had only been a few days had seemed liked a hundred years to Deeks. The night Kensi kicked him out of her apartment was something he would certainly never forget. Just picturing the malice in her eyes was enough to keep him up at night, tossing and turning until, at around five in the morning, he would finally give up and go out for a run to try and clear his head.

He couldn't seem to shake off the sense that something was definitely changing between them. Whether good or bad, he wasn't quite sure yet, but at the moment he had the gut-wrenching feeling that it was the latter.

Deeks knew Kensi probably shouldn't have treated him the way she did. Yes, maybe he _was_ out of line to pry into her space simply for his gnawing curiosity to find out what was in the box, but the way she threw him out seemingly without a second thought? It was almost like saying that the past three years meant nothing to her—their _partnership_ meant nothing to her.

He also knew he probably should have given her more grief about it than he did. All personal feelings aside, partners didn't treat each other this way. There was a certain element of respect that had to be upheld—just look at Callen and Sam, Deeks often reminded himself. They were as perfect a pairing as anyone could get.

But unfortunately there was one major problem Deeks couldn't always seem to overcome: the line between work and play. It often became muddled whenever he did…well, anything really. And especially when it came to Kensi, that line was virtually nonexistent. He was completely and utterly wrapped around her finger, of that he was more than aware, and it didn't look like it was going to change anytime soon. One look toward him from her perfect face, or even the slightest trace of a smile from those beautiful lips was enough to send his heart into overdrive and his mind into total chaos. That's why it was so difficult for him to try to force any sort of apology out of her. Even though he usually played it off well, everything always felt so disorienting whenever she was around.

Maybe he really did have all of this coming to him. Maybe the best thing for him to do would be just to let it go, to simply pretend as if nothing had even happened. He could silently forgive Kensi and then, hopefully, he could finally start to move on. Nothing good could come out of this one-sided love affair.

In his befuddled mind, this was the final conclusion that Deeks eventually came to.

He only prayed it would actually work.

* * *

Those next few days at work were certainly awkward, of course. As much as he tried to play it off, Deeks couldn't bring himself to even look Kensi in the eyes—not to mention the tension between them during car rides, which was absolute torture. On the plus side, however, it did make it a lot easier for him to focus on the case at hand.

And slowly but surely, after a lot of hard work and mental self-deception, Deeks could have convinced anyone that he didn't have a single care in the world.

Anyone except Kensi, of course.

For her, trying to see through Deeks was like looking through a glass window; it wasn't very hard. She could read him like a book, especially when he wasn't being himself. Normally the circumstances weren't too detrimental—so far most of his worries centered on whether or not they would finish a case in time for him to be able to go surfing later that day. But she never thought she would have lived to see the day that he had looked so…broken.

Kensi was awfully good at deciphering Deeks's attitude. When it came to love, however, she was no expert. Maybe it originated from the endless problems with her ex-fiancé, or even went as far back as dealing with her mother's supposed infidelity, but Kensi and intimate relationships simply did not mix. Thus, she simply let problems pass her by without facing them and came to the conclusion that everything would somehow resolve itself in its own manner.

This time, however…this time was different. She couldn't just stand aside and do nothing while she watched Deeks fall apart, from something _she_ had caused. He was much too important to her. And, romantic feelings or not, he was her partner first and foremost. If she didn't do something soon, not only would their relationship be at risk, but their jobs (and lives, for that matter) could be at stake as well.

Kensi had to make it up to him.

But how?

Should she show him what was in the box?

No, no she couldn't. It wasn't time for that yet.

She had to think of something, though. Somehow, someway, she needed to make it right.

* * *

On the fourth day after the big "incident," Kensi finally mustered up enough courage to decide to try and face him.

That evening after work, after going through yet another day of hell with Deeks completely avoiding her, she found herself parked outside his small apartment building, staring up to the window she knew was his.

She approached his door slowly, anxiety quickly building up inside her chest. She almost turned around and left, but somehow found herself knocking on his door with a sudden sense of purpose.

Better to face him now, when he couldn't ignore her the way he did at work. Well, she supposed he _could_ slam the door in her face. She knew he wouldn't, though, even if she did deserve it.

It took a few moments, but the door eventually cracked open, and a worse-for-the-wear looking Deeks stood curiously on the other side of it. When he saw who it was, however, she could see his face fall just the slightest.

Kensi automatically cursed herself for this. He had never reacted to her with disappointment before—_defeat_, even. Suspicion, maybe, but only when they had first met undercover and weren't aware of who the other really was.

Nevertheless, she tried to push his reaction aside and focus instead on the reason for which she came.

"Hey, Deeks." She paused for a moment, wondering if it was okay for her to be so straightforward. But she wasn't usually one to beat around the bush. "Can I come in?"

She waited in anticipation as he slowly processed her request, becoming fidgety after a full thirty seconds went by and he was still considering how to respond. He certainly was taking his sweet time.

But finally, he shrugged and stepped aside to make a pathway. "Sure, I guess. Come on in."

She stepped into his small living room and quickly took everything in. It was just as she remembered it from the two or three times she had been there before: totally spotless. The Deeks she first met had seemed so much different; she never would have guessed him to be such a neat freak. She had misjudged him about a lot of things, though.

A few seconds later Kensi heard the door shut quietly and she turned around to face Deeks. Suddenly, all of the things she wanted to say, everything she had been planning and practicing for hours on end seemed to be erased from her mind as he stood there, watching her expectantly.

She knew he was waiting for an explanation for the unexpected visit, but at the moment, words simply escaped her. Not knowing what else to do, she turned away from him and headed over to sit on the couch.

"Okay, take a seat then" Deeks said, sounding slightly exasperated, but mostly confused.

Kensi looked down at the ground, a little ashamed at herself. She knew she was being rude.

"Sorry" she whispered as he hesitantly fell into the cushion next to her.

They sat in silence for a few moments until Deeks finally asked, "Well, are you gonna tell me why you're here?"

Kensi sighed. Why was it so hard to just be honest with him?

"Yeah." She took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. "Alright, well…I think you know what it's about, but I know I need to get it out in the open."

She looked over to his face to try and gauge his reaction. He continued to wait patiently, but his eyes gave away nothing.

Kensi gathered her courage once more and continued. "I know I shouldn't have treated you the way I did the other night. I was rude, selfish, and out of line, and I know I…I-" How was she supposed to say it? That she knew she hurt his feelings? That she was sorry she broke his heart? They weren't in high school anymore. How could she say it in a way he knew she really meant it?

"Deeks, I know I made you feel like shit." Okay, well that sucked, but it would have to do. She continued anyway, "And you know I hate apologizing, but sometimes it has to be done."

She felt his eyes boring into the side of her head, and she turned to meet his gaze with an intense stare of her own.

"I'm truly sorry Deeks. I know I probably don't deserve it but I hope you'll eventually forgive me." She sighed and looked away shyly. "I hope I can earn back your trust."

Kensi looked around the room, searching for anything to focus on besides Deeks. She never remembered feeling so vulnerable before. It felt like she was putting her head on the chopping block, and Deeks was the executioner.

The thing he did next, however, took her completely by surprise.

He suddenly reached over to lay his hand on top of hers, causing her to flinch and nearly pull away. He held onto it firmly, though, and gave her a small reassuring smile as she stared at him in shock.

"Thank you, Kensi" he said gently, before releasing her hand so she could slide it quickly back into her lap. "That's all I needed to hear. I forgive you."

It took her a moment to digest what he had just said.

"Are you sure?"

Deeks thought about it for a minute. Could he really forgive her that quickly? He knew that agreeing to become her friend again would probably only mean trouble, and it would certainly put a damper on the whole "getting over her" thing he had been working on. But in that moment, he glanced over to her, and she was looking back at him with such earnest in her eyes that there was no way he could have possibly said no.

Her lips twitched at the corners as they turned upward into a hopeful smile. God, she was so beautiful.

"Yes, I'm sure."

As Deeks watched the relief wash over Kensi's features, he finally gave her the most genuine smile he had given in what felt like years.

* * *

Although Deeks had officially forgiven Kensi the night before, she couldn't help but be a little uneasy as she walked into work that morning, hoping he hadn't somehow had a change of heart at the last minute.

Everything seemed to be fine, though, especially when the team started having an interesting chat about their plans for retirement. Kensi inwardly had a good laugh about Deeks's plans for the future because, well, it sort of fit him perfectly. The beach really was his true home.

After being given a new case that morning dealing with the Gun Barrel Party, things finally felt like they were getting back to normal. Maybe they really could put the past few days behind them.

Kensi usually tired quickly of the banter between her and Deeks, but she could honestly say she had never felt so relieved when it started coming back with a vengeance.

Preparing to set off for the woods to investigate the crime scene, they briefly discussed Deeks's plans to overcome his inferiority when it came to dealing with Sam. Deeks proceeded to explain to her his strategy by using the book he had received from Hetty for Christmas.

But already missing the banter and strangely wishing for more, Kensi suddenly had a devilish thought.

"Hetty also gave me an ancient book for Christmas" she mentioned casually, just knowing it would get the wheels turning in Deeks's somewhat perverted mind.

"She did? What'd she give you?" he asked with apparent curiosity.

"I'm not going to tell you" she answered mysteriously, hoping to get the reaction she was looking for.

When there was suddenly a new fire lit behind his eyes, and his mouth turned up into a knowing smile, she knew she had succeeded. "She gave you Kama Sutra, didn't she?"

Kensi gave him a mocking smile in return, but left without saying another word.

"Maybe we should start a book club, just you and I?" he called after her finally, followed by what she knew what his famous mischievous grin.

Oh yeah, they were definitely going to be okay.

**A/N: Alright so I hope you all enjoyed this chapter a little more; I was very happy to leave it ending on a brighter note. And I know I didn't parallel it much with "History" but I feel like there wasn't really much to go off of in that episode, besides the part I did include. I love their banter and everything but I wish there would be some sort of evidence to show the progression in their relationship. But again I hope you're all enjoying this story and please be sure to let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again, I hope you are all having a wonderful week and are looking forward to tomorrow night's new episode as much as I am. I thought last week's episode was great, and I enjoyed all of the Densi scenes immensely. Anyway please enjoy this chapter and I hope you all get a pretty good laugh out of it.**

**Oh and I don't have anything at all against lawyers, by the way, just so you know before reading something mentioned early on in this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I forgot to do this on the first two chapters, but I don't own NCIS: Los Angeles or any of its characters.**

Another week, another case. This was the never-ending cycle that constituted the jobs of the three NCIS agents and LAPD liaison. People were killed or a building was blown to pieces, and the team was left to clean up the mess and pin whoever was responsible. And no matter how many cases they solved, no matter how many bad guys they put away, there was always something out there seemingly worse than the last.

Sometimes Deeks wasn't sure he enjoyed such repetitiveness, but, he quickly reasoned, it could have ended up so much worse. He could have been sitting in a small office, working as some kind of know-it-all attorney at an uptight law firm in downtown LA. But instead, he was doing something so much greater—instead of ruining lives for his own benefit, he was saving them. He was working for the greater good, and for that alone, it was reason enough for him to continue on.

One thing he couldn't escape from switching careers, however, was probably the thing he despised most of all—paperwork.

One day, during a short lapse between cases, Deeks sat at his desk working on said paperwork, absolutely bored out of his mind and sorely missing the rest of the team. Sam and Callen were on stakeout, tracking suspects involved in an escalating drug war, while Kensi was testifying in court over a previous case.

After finishing his own pile, unsure of what else could be done, Deeks stole a glance over at Kensi's desk. The ever-growing, messy stacks on her desk indicated she wasn't anywhere close to being finished; in fact, it looked as though they hadn't even been touched. Deeks gave a loud sigh and, although he was about to do something nice for her, admonished himself a little for being such a pushover at times.

Not knowing where to start, he resolved on taking the largest pile he could carry from the corner of her desk. He situated the pile in his arms and turned to head back to his own workspace, but suddenly he felt something shift and fall out of the stack with a loud thud back onto Kensi's desk. Deeks automatically abandoned the pile and bent down to take a closer look at the object. It was leather-bound, a little smaller than a regular novel, and clearly well-worn. He opted to ignore it at first, knowing full well that being caught snooping could get him into trouble again, but soon his curiosity got the better of him and he opened the book and delicately started leafing through the pages.

_Wow, so this is Kensi's diary_ he thought to himself as he scanned through each entry with unparalleled interest. Her handwriting was a neat cursive, slanting with the angle of her hand as line after line filled up each page.

He couldn't stop himself as he hungrily searched through page after page, absorbing every word she had written down. It was filled to the brim with Kensi's private thoughts and experiences. Surely there had to be something juicy in there.

Slowly but surely, however, Deeks couldn't help but feel his interest starting to fade, the initial enthrallment of his incredible discovery suddenly dissipating.

_Wow, it's so… boring._

Most of the book comprised of Kensi's experiences as a teenager with her father. There had to be over a hundred stories of the times he would take her out to the woods to go camping, to teach her how to shoot, or even his attempts to convince her to speak to her mother again.

Deeks wouldn't say he entirely regretted opening the thing, though. He did enjoy learning more about her father because it gave him more insight on why Kensi was the way she was, and he did learn a few other things about her he hadn't known before. Still, he couldn't help himself as the uncanny feeling of disappointment slowly started to seep in to his core.

He wished it was for far more unselfish reasons, but he knew his disappointment stemmed from the fact that, apart from their first meeting, he wasn't mentioned even once. There were stories about Callen, Sam, her old partners, Hetty… even Eric and Nell were mentioned a few times.

If a total stranger were reading the journal it would have seemed as though Deeks was only a casual acquaintance she had briefly encountered way back when. Nothing of importance, easily forgettable. They had come so far in just a few short years, yet apparently to Kensi, they were still so far away.

Was he really not worth writing about? Did she really not think about him at all? Or did she just not care enough to even bother?

Surely he meant more to her than that.

As much as Deeks wanted to sit back and let the emptiness in his chest take over, he forced himself to push it away. He wasn't going to let himself be just a throwaway memory in Kensi's life. He had to be more than that. It was time to show Kensi the kind of person—the kind of _man_—he could really be.

He was going to make her remember him whether she liked it or not.

* * *

Deeks was immensely pleased with himself when Kensi had initially reacted so positively to his offer.

He could see the surprise in her features as he showed her the tickets he had purchased, her eyes lighting up like it was Christmas morning. Her enthusiasm was almost over the top, it seemed, but Deeks assumed it was just from the two cups of coffee and box of powdered donuts she had consumed on the way to work that morning.

Why she seemed so excited for a "financial freedom" seminar was completely beyond him, but all he knew was that if it made her happy, he would endure through it and force himself to be happy as well.

He also knew it was kind of a lame attempt at his plan to make Kensi like him more, but at least it was a start. The insert he had found in her diary about not feeling financially prepared for her and her future family had stuck out at him like a sore thumb.

It had thrown him at first, mostly out of shock at her even mentioning that she might want a family someday. When he thought about it more, though, it did make sense. She was engaged once, after all.

He didn't like to linger on this fact for too long, though. Kensi Blye, happily married, a kid on the way…he just couldn't picture it. She probably never would have become an NCIS agent, either. He couldn't imagine what his life would have been like if he and Kensi had never met.

Still, he would do whatever it took to make her happy. If she wanted to prepare for a future that may never come for her, he would help her be ready for it anyway. And when he did some research and found out about the seminar, it was like everything was falling into place. Plus, he figured, if she was so ecstatic about going with him to something like this, maybe she wouldn't be completely opposed to doing other things with him in the future.

As the day went on, however, and a new case came up involving a friend from Sam's past, Deeks couldn't help but become a little weary at Kensi's attitude.

He noticed that her enthusiasm from earlier that morning slowly seemed to fade as the day progressed. In fact, it was almost as if, instead of being excited about the seminar, she had almost become resigned to it.

* * *

_"Since when did you become so financially responsible?" she asked him as they searched Amir's house, the kidnapped nephew of the man Sam was acquainted with. She almost sounded suspicious when she said it._

_He played along with her as best he could, trying to sound convincing in his usual nonchalant tone of voice. "It's always been there, you're just starting to see the diamond underneath the rugged exterior." Wow, that came out a little more arrogant than he intended, but still he hoped that that response would suffice without setting off the alarms in her head._

_Even though his back was turned to her, he could practically feel her rolling her eyes at him. "Why do I even bother?" she muttered mostly to herself, but still loud enough so he could hear._

_For some reason, Deeks didn't like the way this conversation was starting out. He knew if he didn't fix it soon they could be going down another road headed for trouble, and he hated the thought of that. They had just started talking to each other again, after all._

_He tried to think of something to say that would please her, but all he could think about for the past two days was that stupid journal. For some reason he was having the strange feeling that that couldn't have been everything she liked to write about. Besides her ex-fiancé, she hadn't written about past boyfriends, one night stands, anything... Surely women wrote about their love lives in their personal diaries. He almost hated himself for bringing it up but he had to know if there was something more. Plus, if he got her to admit something about her he didn't know, then maybe he would return the favor and, for once, open up to her with some secrets of his own._

_"When are you going to accept the fact that we don't know everything about each other?" he asked. "That's part of the fun of getting to know your partner."_

_"If you say so…" she replied, clearly unconvinced. She wasn't going to tell him anything. Besides, he already knew way more about her than she did about him. If anyone was going to be spilling secrets, it was going to be him._

_"Tell me something about you that I don't know. C'mon, spill it. Anything."_

_A refusal was just on the tip of her tongue, but when she turned around from her position on the floor and spotted him in the doorway, bright blue eyes filled with curiosity, she just couldn't help herself._

_Damn him for being so cute._

_She gave a loud sigh and stood up from the floor where she had been searching under the bed. "Okay. Well…before I joined NCIS… I actually considered becoming a bounty hunter." She chuckled at herself. Saying it out loud just made it sound all the more ridiculous._

_"I already knew that. Give me something else" Deeks responded automatically, the words slipping out before he had the chance to stop them._

_She frowned. "What do you mean you already knew that?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in ever-growing suspicion._

Oh, shit _he cursed himself, suddenly remembered where he obtained the information from. Suddenly he had the feeling he would be regretting opening that journal for a very long time to come._

_"I mean that you…I don't know…you must've already told me on a stakeout or something" he tried to backtrack. Suddenly feeling the heat in the room, he quickly turned around from the guest bedroom and headed to Amir's room. "Just give me something else" he said quickly, trying desperately to make her forget what he just said._

_However she followed right on his heels, determined to not let him get away. "No, no, no. I never told anyone that. Nobody knew that. Unless…" _

_Panic bubbled up inside her as she realized what was going on. _

_"You read my memoir!?" She didn't even need to see his reaction; she knew her words rang true the moment they left her lips. _

_"What? Okay, you're overreacting. I wouldn't really call it a memoir; it's more of a diary."_

_"Why did you do that?" _

_Kensi knew she normally would've reacted with fewer words and more actions—painful actions—but at the moment she was lost in thought, imagining all the different ways she could murder Deeks right on the spot. _

_"Cause it was sitting on your desk…I-I thought it was evidence" he stammered lamely._

_"What!?"_

_"It didn't have a label! I just started flipping through to see what case it was and I couldn't stop. It was like a really sad handwritten novel." _

_"How much did you read?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Maybe she could be a little caustic with Deeks sometimes, but him invading her privacy like that? And he did it not only once with the box, but now _twice_? It just wasn't right._

_"Just a couple pages" he said innocently, still trying to defend himself. _

_But when she threw him the look he knew all too well, he started to cave. "Chapter." _

_Nope, she still wasn't buying it. "Chapters…" he finally admitted as she started walking toward him slowly. He almost trembled in fear under her malicious gaze, but then there came that strange feeling of awe and pure fascination as the lethal, magnificent woman approached him. It kept him rooted right to the spot._

_She didn't say anything as she seemed to be sizing him up._

_"Listen, you have surprisingly beautiful prose" he tried one more time as he gently laid a hand on her shoulder. He didn't even care what he knew was inevitably coming; he just needed to touch her and feel that wonderful electricity from her anger course through his own body._

_He wasn't the least bit surprised when she grabbed his arm and threw him to the ground in a split second, planting his face mercilessly into the hard carpet below._

_"Ahhh, well played! Well played…" he groaned as that marvelous pain shot through him. He would willingly let her take him to the ground anytime she felt like it._

_It was incredible at the moment, but after leaving Amir's house, and seeing the way Kensi looked at him as if he were some kind of traitor, he knew he was in deep._

Wow, nice one Deeks _he thought to himself angrily. _Now she hates you even more than before.

* * *

_"You were a stripper!?"_

_Oh God, did he seriously just tell her that?_

_His most guarded secret, the most embarrassing period in his life, was now in the hands of his tormenting partner._

_It was something he was ashamed to admit even to himself. But he was a lot more naïve back then, and, he tried to reason with himself, desperate times called for desperate measures. And he was certainly desperate. Law school could be quite expensive with no scholarships, no parents to help out, and no other sources of income. So, he figured, that had been his best option to make the most money possible in the least amount of time. If only he'd known back then how much it would come back to bite him in the butt later._

_Deeks tried not to crack a smile at Kensi's reaction. If he thought she was excited about going to the financial freedom seminar, then the Kensi he was looking at right now was absolutely out of this world. _

_"Best. Day. EVER!" she exclaimed as she marveled over her unbelievable new fortune. _

_He could see the fire blazing in her eyes, already musing over forms of grief and torture she would no doubt be able to hold over him later on. _

_It was his turn to roll his eyes when she started taunting him with the one dollar bills she found in her pocket. And when she proceeded to stuff them into his jeans' pocket and slap him on the butt as he walked past… well, now she was just being cruel._

_But he knew he wouldn't be able to win back Kensi's trust with anything less personal. It was so embarrassing and humiliating for him to admit, but he knew he had made the right decision. He made her feel vulnerable by digging through her secrets, and now, the favor was justly returned._

_And so, despite his now heightened self-consciousness, he gave an inward sigh of relief, knowing that, by the ecstatic look on his partner's face, his crimes had been forgiven._

_Kensi absolutely couldn't believe it. Well, in a way she could; it certainly answered some of the questions that had been left unanswered over the past few years. She had always wondered how Deeks seemed to know so much about the way clubs worked. She had resolved to assume that it was simply because he enjoyed going for pleasure, but there were certain things he had let slip that left Kensi suspicious of something more._

_And now, as it was confirmed straight from the source, she could honestly say she hadn't felt more thrilled over something in years. _

_Deeks was a stripper. A _stripper. _She nearly cringed at the thought as mental images inevitably started popping into her brain. She could just picture a more youthful-looking Deeks in some sketchy second-rate club, swaying his hips provocatively to the music as he bent, half-clothed, over some poor bride-to-be whose friends had forced her to endure one last night out as a single woman. _

_She gave him one last slap on the butt as he walked away just to let him know this day would never be forgotten._

* * *

Later that night Kensi curled up on her couch with her favorite beer, mulling sleepily over the day's events. She was so relieved that Sam was safe from almost being murdered by Ambassador Habib and his terrorist friends. Sure, Sam owed his friend Yusef a debt for saving his life as a SEAL, but Sam really needed to stop trying to fix things by himself.

A few minutes later Kensi felt her eyelids droop as her body started shutting down for the night. Before drifting off completely, though, the last memory she had in her mind was the wonderful new discovery she had made about Deeks's past.

She smiled to herself one last time, thinking of all the wonderful new material she would have to put in her more…_intimate_ diary she kept well-hidden underneath her bed.

**A/N: So what do you guys think? Does Kensi have a sex journal…possibly featuring Deeks? I personally think she might, because if it was written in the diary Deeks found he surely would have mentioned it. I'm interested to know what you guys think, so please leave a comment and let me know!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: First, I just want to apologize for taking so long to update. Life has been getting in the way lately, so for now I'll just promise to write and update whenever I can find the time. This chapter will be based off of "Wanted" from a couple weeks ago, and for now I am planning to combine parts 1 and 2 of "Red" into one chapter after the new episode airs this week. That being said, how amazing has all the Densi been lately!? I really feel like something significant is going to happen at least by the season finale, but I guess we'll just have to cross our fingers and wait. Enjoy this chapter!**

"_How would you describe the way I smell?"_

That one, simple, seemingly harmless question burned in his mind like a hot branding iron. As he had read the words on the page of the outdated bridal magazine, his palms suddenly became sweaty and he felt his blood pressure shoot up at a strange new level.

It wasn't that difficult of a question, really. A simple answer like the vanilla lotion she often used on her hands would have easily sufficed, but he wasn't really sure how convincing he could have made that excuse sound. Luckily, though, he didn't have to worry about answering it in the first place because, thank God, he had taken the magazine from her before she had the chance to ask it.

It was a question that appeared to be so innocent on the surface, but to Deeks, it couldn't have been more frightening. Why it bothered him so much, he wasn't totally sure at the moment, but he did know that this was anything but typical behavior from one Agent Kensi Blye.

Why she was asking him questions from a survey in a bridal magazine was completely beyond him. And one about partners, no less. Not _partners_, partners, like they already were, but _marital_ partners. It just wasn't like her.

The confusion and uncertainty of the moment threatened to break through whatever walls he had been building, thin as they were, and he could already feel his vulnerability starting to get the better of him. He couldn't let her see how much she affected him.

He reigned it back in quickly and before he knew it, like always, word vomit started spilling out of his mouth before he had the chance to control it.

"_Oh, my God. You're biological clock…"_

"_Shut it. Don't say another word" Kensi threatened, trying to be serious though a smile tugged at the corners of her lips._

"_It's so funny 'cause I always thought that ticking was a bomb; but it turns out it's you, wanting to make a bebé."_

"_Stop it. That's rid-"_

_And as usual, he totally got carried away. "Wanna make it with me? We could make some ninja assassins."_

"_Um, hi…"_

Deeks could feel his face flush as he quickly turned his head to see Nell in the doorway, looking very much out of place and uncomfortable at what she undoubtedly just heard.

Thankfully though, before the conversation could spin any further out of control, she summoned them to Ops for their briefing on a new case.

Kensi did everything she could to avoid Deeks's gaze and any accidental contact throughout the briefing, hoping to hide her slight embarrassment from being caught by him just a few moments before. If she was being honest with herself, he was pretty spot on about the whole "biological clock" thing. It wasn't that she was having the sudden urge to "make a baby" like he suggested. Hell no, not even close. It was just that, ever since Jack, she couldn't help but wonder what her life may have been like if he had never left. If she could have helped him get over his PTSD, instead of failing miserably. If, maybe, she could have had a shot at living a relatively normal life.

She absolutely loved her life at NCIS, wouldn't trade it for anything, but it wasn't going to last forever. And when that time came, who would be there to keep her company, to erase the loneliness and longing that would inevitably come?

She mulled over these things occasionally, but lately, it seemed to be getting worse. For the last few months or so, Kensi wasn't having luck with too many guys. Not that they wouldn't come to her—she was never off her game—she just simply wasn't interested. The brief hookups and one night stands from her slightly younger days had long lost their appeal, and after returning to her apartment from work she was left with an emptiness she slowly had begun to despise.

But nothing ever seemed to make sense in life, because the thing that Kensi wanted desperately, the one person that made her feel like she could leap mountains and soar above the earth, was the epitome of noncommittal in itself: Marty Deeks.

It just wasn't fair. She had finally reached the point where naturally, biologically, she knew it was time to start settling down. But there he was, probing and pushing his way into her life, babbling and jawing in her ear and getting inside her head until his voice was all she ever wanted to hear.

Would it ever be a possibility? Did she really want to spend the rest of her life with him?

Initially, the thought was almost laughable. Not that she was altogether opposed to the idea herself, but, she pondered, how would Deeks react if he ever found out she was thinking about him in this way?

Sure, he flirted with her ruthlessly, and on occasion, whenever he would hold her gaze longer than necessary, eyes sparkling with the hint of carrying a deep, precious secret, she had the inconceivable feeling that just maybe there was something underneath all of their mindless banter and innocent flirtation after all. But all of the nights she spent mulling over those private thoughts, hours upon hours of wondering what a true relationship with him would be like, she slowly came to realize that, ultimately, it was all just going to waste. Not one muse about a future with him made sense, because Deeks simply didn't feel the same way. He never would, never could. It just wasn't in him; wasn't in his DNA.

Kensi knew how much Deeks despised his father, but that didn't eliminate the fact that Gordon John Brandel was still a part of him. As far as Kensi could infer, Brandel was a man that used and abused women with no remorse. Deeks was a thousand times the man his father ever was, and then some. However, or as he often led Kensi to believe, he certainly did like to get around. She had never seen or heard about a relationship lasting past the first couple of dates—not that she was any better—but still, it told her everything she needed to know about whether he could settle down or not.

Again, not that it really mattered, anyway.

* * *

Deeks couldn't believe he had offered to be the father of her children yet again. He rubbed his hands over his face in embarrassment as he sat at his desk later that morning. Seriously, how much more transparent could he get?

Mulling over the conversation again and again in his mind made him feel even more like a fool, realizing that the whole thing could have possibly been just a setup. Was Kensi finally onto him? Was he being too obvious about his feelings, and this was just her cruel way of mocking him for it?

Surely not. Kensi could be cruel and demeaning toward him at times, but she would never tease him for something like that. She knew just how fragile intimate emotions were, what with her ex-fiancé and all. The ex-fiancé Deeks wished he could pretend never existed.

"Everything okay, Deeks?"

Deeks looked up from his desk to see Callen staring down at him, a slight smirk on his face.

"Yeah, man. Sorry, didn't see you walk in." He tried playing out like he hadn't been staring off into space for the last half hour. "Any word on Sidorov?" he tried to ask casually.

Callen, although clearly unconvinced, took the bite anyway. "Not yet. Sam and I came back to get a few things before meeting to talk with Arkady."

Deeks simply nodded his head in understanding, while Callen continued to stare at him in amused suspicion.

"So, wanna tell me what's on your mind?" he finally asked.

"What do you mean?" Deeks huffed and pulled his face into his signature awkward smile, the exact one that could've told a stranger from a mile away that he was lying without a doubt. "I'm fine. Nothin' to see here; just catching up on some paperwork" he said as he grabbed for a random stack of files on his desk to wave at Callen.

"Uh huh, sure" Callen countered, his smirk growing ever bigger. "Then why were you staring at Kensi's desk for the last ten minutes I've been in here?"

Deeks gaped at him, clearly stumped. Had Callen really been in there for that long without him taking notice? Clearly his detective skills needed a little fine-tuning.

He didn't really know what else to say, so he simply shrugged and shook his head. "No reason. Just, uh, was wondering how much it would cost to rent a bulldozer to get through all the crap piled on her desk."

Callen narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Obviously, he wasn't going to crack through Deeks at the moment, and he had somewhere to be anyway. He resigned quickly, much to Deeks's relief, but resolved to come back to it later. "Okay, Deeks. Whatever you say."

After Callen left, Deeks quickly tried to forget their awkward conversation, not wanting Kensi to sense something was off with him when she came back from her coffee run.

Five minutes later Kensi returned, and they deliberated over the case for a while, searching for any clues that might lead them to Sidorov.

Before they could get any further, however, Hetty walked in and informed them of their not-so-wonderful task of keeping CIA's Officer Snyder busy.

The partners shared a knowing glance upon hearing the news. Snyder sure was an asshole, but at least they were getting the chance to have some fun with him.

* * *

"_Just be happy she's your partner, and not your girlfriend."_

It wasn't until Snyder mentioned those few words that true panic started to set in.

Deeks fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of what to do. Could Officer Sabatino, Snyder's partner, really be putting the moves on Kensi? _His _Kensi?

He tried to shake it off as best he could. He really had nothing to worry about, anyway. For starters, Sabatino wasn't even Kensi's type. Maybe he was slightly charming on the surface, but she would easily see right through his façade. Besides, he was a little too old for her anyway. She would never fall for someone like him.

Would she?

The car felt more and more cramped as Deeks continued to wait in unease. He felt his breathing start to quaver as the space surrounding him became far too warm, and claustrophobia suddenly overtook him.

He desperately needed fresh air, and, thank God, the perfect excuse came when Eric called him regarding more information about the case. He practically threw himself out of the vehicle before jogging up the steps to the library entrance.

Meanwhile, Kensi wasn't so sure what to make of her new acquaintance. It was obvious Sabatino was trying to hit on her the moment he started asking about her father, but there was something about him that she had to admit was incredibly appealing.

He was pretty good-looking, she would admit, but it was actually his eyes that had her drawn to him almost instantly. They were warm and kind, never once disconnecting from hers as he spoke. They reminded her of her father's, and she could tell just by the way he looked at her that he was an honest man. A good man.

"_If you were my partner, I'd end up falling for you. Hard. Then what would I do? Good partners are hard to find. I need someone I can trust to have my back; I wouldn't want to lose that. On the other hand, you'd also be the person I cared about more than anyone else in the world, and I'd never want to see you in jeopardy. So you couldn't possibly be my partner. It's dilemma."_

He was so charming she couldn't help but get a little flustered as he threw compliment after compliment her way. He certainly made her feel special in that moment, treating her as if she would be the only woman in his world if fate had paired them together.

He was really laying it on thick, though. Maybe it was a little too much, in fact. They had officially met only an hour ago, after all.

Kensi didn't really know how to respond to Sabatino's whole spiel, and, feeling the sudden need to back out of the conversation, she tried to stutter a lame response before backing straight into a slightly out of breath Deeks.

Her own frantic emotions easily blinded her from seeing the look of slight desperation on her partner's face. She quickly took control of herself, though, and listened carefully to what he had to say. She would later admit to feeling bad about snapping at him slightly, but in the moment she never would have noticed that something about him was uncharacteristically off.

His eyes kept drifting over to Sobatino while he spoke, and his hands shook slightly in apprehension and uncertainty. He could feel his heart sink from his chest after Kensi denied him from his suggestion that they should ride together, making him feel foolish. It was obvious she didn't want him there.

This wasn't over, though. Kensi was his girl, whether she liked it or not, and no man, not even an alluring agent from the CIA, would come in his way.

* * *

Wow, so Snyder was dead. _Dead_.

It nearly didn't seem real. She had just spoken to him an hour or so before, and now he was gone. The sudden sense of finality chilled her to the bone, and she quickly felt her tough exterior begin to crumble.

It reminded her of the day when she was only fifteen years old and how lost and hopeless she felt when her father had died. It was so sudden and unexpected she didn't even believe it at first, and refused to let it sink in. A young Kensi had waited three days for him to come home, and when he never returned, she had felt so betrayed and abandoned. He promised her he would never leave her, and yet he was gone.

Sobatino left the boatshed quickly after receiving his new assignment, clearly affected like everyone else. It still didn't stop him from making one last offer to Kensi before he left, however. When he asked to take her out for a drink sometime in the future, she had accepted politely, while Deeks looked on in annoyance. His partner had just been killed and there he was, still trying to pick up a woman.

Besides, hadn't he learned his lesson already? Deeks had made it perfectly clear after his encounter with Anatoli Kirkin that Kensi, his beautiful and perfect partner, was off limits. Not just to him, but to every other man that would try to come near her.

After Sobatino finally left, Kensi turned to Deeks, visibly shaken. Tears clouded her vision as she stared at her partner, the sudden reality of the situation hitting her like a brick wall.

Looking into his deep blue eyes and his soft, handsome face, warm and comforting, everything was immediately put into perspective.

Sobatino could have been the perfect guy for her. He was the kind of man Kensi could have imagined spending the rest of her life with… six or seven years ago. The kind that would listen to her every word, take care of all her problems, and strive to give her everything she ever wanted. A man that would agree with anything she said for the sake of keeping the peace, and pretend like everything was okay when it obviously wasn't.

He could provide for her, be there for her, keep her company…

God that sounded boring.

Apparently feelings could change a lot over the years, because for Kensi, they had been altered drastically. She didn't want someone like that at all; she needed a man she could argue with. Someone that would tell her like it is, whether she wanted to hear it or not. Someone that could challenge her and make her stronger every day.

Someone like… like…

Oh, who was she kidding?

Screw the commitment issues, she wanted Deeks.

But she didn't just _want_ him, she _needed_ him. He meant everything to her whether she could admit it to herself or not.

And if she ever lost him the way they lost Snyder today, it would absolutely destroy her.

So she made him promise. Promise to never get himself killed, to never leave her. She couldn't come right out and say all she wanted to, but surely by the passion held in her eyes, he would know. It was a promise that was clearly out of his hands, she knew, but somehow he had to see just how much she really meant to him.

Deeks, in return, was humbled by the honesty Kensi showed him. She didn't do it very often, but when she did, he took comfort in knowing that she cared for him as a dear friend and colleague at the very least. It made him feel special in a way he couldn't convey. No one else had ever needed him like that, and, although his heart was heavy with the loss of a decent man, he still felt joy. Joy in knowing that he now had someone to call his home, his true family. It meant more to him than words could ever explain.

"_How would you describe the way I smell?"_

Despite everything that had happened that day, the question still remained in his mind, refusing to go away until it was answered.

Was _heaven_ an acceptable answer?

Well, he couldn't give himself away too much, at least not yet, so he settled for second best instead.

"_You smell like sunshine… and gunpowder."_

Now, watching her leave as she smiled back at him one more time, he was hit with the sudden weight of realization. And it wasn't just some small epiphany; this one was big.

"_Two of my favorite things…"_

He could admit to himself that he was in love with her; he had figured that one out for some time now. He had been in love before, though, but it wasn't even comparable to the way he was feeling now.

This time… this time was different. He was suddenly treading on new territory, and it was absolutely terrifying.

She was the one.

Kensi was it for him, now, and probably forever.

He would never have said that about any of the women before, but now he knew. It was the most obvious thing in the world really, and there was no going back.

Deeks felt like he could throw up.

He had sworn to himself to never fall for another female partner, yet here he was, and this time, it was worse than ever before.

What he was going to do about it, he had no idea. But he couldn't just sit around and let it toy with his emotions forever; he had to do something. And hopefully, when that time came, he prayed she would be willing to embrace him with open arms.

**This chapter was basically how I interpreted the underlying emotions in this amazing episode, but that certainly doesn't mean it's totally spot on. I would love to hear what you took from this episode as well, so please give me your opinion and also let me know what you thought of this chapter! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
